


Cut My Hair

by CravingCraze



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Brain tumor, Connor Deserves Happiness, Connor Lives AU, Deh - Freeform, Evan Hansen - Freeform, M/M, Mentions of Suicide Attempt, connor with short hair, its a bit angsty but it gets better, short haired connor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-09 15:14:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19889917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CravingCraze/pseuds/CravingCraze





	Cut My Hair

Having a brain tumor was never fun.

Everything was fine after junior year. Evan had an internship at Ellison State Park and despite still not having anyone to hang around with, it was still better than other years.

But then his head started to hurt. Then he had a seizure. And before he knew it, he was diagnosed with a brain tumor, and had to stay at the hospital and be prepared for surgery.

Surgery was extremely expensive, and it wasn't like he or his mom had money for that, but thankfully, his grandmother (on his mom's side) had sent down a check that covered over half of the payment. Evan felt a bit bad that she did that, because she was retired and she should be using that money for herself, not him.

He needed two different types of treatment. Chemotherapy and radiation therapy. Evan hated the radiation therapy, but it did help him. However, the surgery was still inevitable.

But the doctors were worried about a lack of socialization, so they decided to fix that. They decided they'd introduce Evan to another patient who was recently admitted into the hospital.

Someone who had just recently survived a suicide attempt, and was known for being emotionally unstable.

Yeah, that was definitely a smart idea.

Evan met him randomly at one point of day, with no warning whatsoever. Well, no forewarning, because the nurse came in and told him the mystery patient was coming in. Still, it wasn't enough time to mentally prepare himself.

The latter was named Connor, and he had long, brown hair that stopped at the bottom his chest. The normal hospital scrubs revealed red healing scars on his arms. He was like any other generic hospital patient, with heavy bags under his eyes.

"Sorry in advance that you're being dragged into my bullshit," Connor had mumbled, crossing his arms. "I'm Connor Murphy. You probably go to the same school as me, because there's only our school and the private school, and I'm positive I've seen you around."

That shouldn't have meant as much to Evan as it should've, but he was used to be forgetful, a single thought, in one ear and out the other, an outcast, but at least someone noticed him a little bit. "Y-Yeah, er, Eastwood High, r-right?"

Connor snapped his fingers. "Right! It's.. Evan, right? Evan Hansen? People pick... on you.." and he trails off, as a daunting truth falls on him. That he noticed Evan was being picked on, but didn't do anything. "I get picked on, too. I thought I'd make it worse if I tried interfering," he said defensively.

That piece of information doesn't scathe Evan, however, as he's finally been seen, and not as an inconvenience, not as the family friend, not as the burden full son, just another outcast at school, and as sad as that is, he can't help but mind it. Connor is just barely above him in the school's chain, but that only makes him more prime of a target. He doesn't find it very fair, but he'd never find the courage to smack talk the popular kids.

"N-no, no, you're okay! I.. I get it. And I'm Evan, yes," Evan was smiling like a huge dork, but he couldn't help it. He was finally seen, after so long, and even if the situation wasn't ideal, it still meant the world to him.

Connor was obviously trying to hold back a smile, but was failing. "So Hansen, got any hobbies?"

And Evan was off, talking about how before the doctors discovered his brain tumor that he had interned as an apprentice ranger at Ellison, and that he learned a ton about trees, and told Connor a little bit about it. Connor didn't make fun of him about it, though, unlike Jared, who'd say Evan must've had a tree kink or something, which was just a dick move because there wasn't a lot of things that sparked Evan's interest like that. Connor, in fact, talked about how everyone needed to help clean the environment and apparently he was passionate about that, so they had a common interest (Evan though, at least. He was never sure).

They hung out a lot and just talked. It made Evan feel normal, like there wasn't something inside his brain trying to kill him.

Jared visited with his family, and he actually seemed to feel bad for Evan. He'd purchased a small potted plant to help brighten up his hospital room. Evan appreciated it greatly.

Nearing the end of the week, Connor had told him he was going to be released at the start of the next week, and asked Evan for his number. Of course they exchanged numbers.

Evan wanted to spend as much time as possible with Connor, but it was growing harder for him to focus or not be throwing his guts out. He was having more seizures than ever.

Apparently this meant that the surgery had to be moved to an earlier date.

Evan didn't get a chance to tell Connor because it happened so fast. He felt incredibly bad. One minute his mom was talking to the surgeon, and the next he was given antibiotics to knock him out.

He had rested a lot, feeling weak from the surgery. It was successful according to the surgeon, which was a huge relief to him and his mother.

Did he forget to mention he had to get his head completely shaved? It felt embarrassing, but Heidi tried to help. She bought him a dark blue beanie so no one would bug him that much.

Evan was soon able to muster enough strength to look at his phone. He received a shit ton from Connor regarding the surgery.

Connor:

The nurses aren't letting me see u. Is everything ok?

Connor:

I tried asking them but they won't answer

Connor:

Ev, what's going on?

Connor:

Ev?

Connor:

I'm kinda freaked out. Pls respond asap

Connor:

Holy shit

Connor:

Ur mom told me. I'm sorry

Connor:

I hope it goes well

Connor:

Hey!! Heard the surgery went ok. How're u feeling?

Connor:

Heidi said ur resting. I'll leave u be

Connor:

Ok I lied

Connor:

I miss talking with u. But u need rest

Connor:

We'll hang out this summer, right? I'm somehow not going to rehab

Connor:

Fuck, I'll stop now. Just respond when ur better

Evan sighed. Connor claimed not to be talkative, but this proved otherwise. It was just too exhausting to try and corollate words that he pulled up SnapChat and took a photo of his bedsheets. He added a caption saying "hey, sorry I scared you" before sending it to the latter.

After a few minutes, Connor had responded with a picture of where his door used to reside. "It's okay," the caption read, "it isn't your fault"

A picture of the heart monitor was sent next. "What happened to your door?"

Connor sent back a picture of his black sketchbook. It wasn't opened. "Dad took it down. He thinks it'll help monitor me"

Evan moved the conversation to a chat, because he was running out of things to take pictures of, and switching apps seemed like a hassle to him.

"Well, he's trying"

"Can I tell you something?"

Of course, this made Evan anxious, but he knew Connor. In the five days they were together they already were growing close, probably because they were both incredibly lonely. Cliche as it might've sounded to anyone else, but Evan trusted him. 

"Sure what is it?"

But of course Evan didn't get a response right away. SnapChat sent him a message saying 'Connor Murphy is typing...", and after he pulled up their conversation, there was the ever long three blue dots waiting for him, signaling that Connor was typing a response. But he took forever and it didn't help the anxiety quelling in his chest.

Then, he finally got a response.

"I like you. Like, a lot more than I probably should. And I know it's stupid, because we've only known each other for a week, but I know you're different than everyone else. You actually listen to me, you make me feel safe, and I don't want to loose you. I get it if you don't like the school shooter or whatever, I just don't want to loose you. Please."

And, of course Evan was flattered, and it was hard to corollate what he wanted to say through text, but he didn't want to keep Connor waiting so he could spiral, so he frantically typed out a response.

"I don't think it's stupid. I think it's super sweet, and I like you back. Even if you don't believe it, I'll do everything I can to prove it to you (also, don't call yourself a school shooter. You're so much more than that)"

Evan remembered how the next day Connor had came in, holding huge stuffed bear for him, smiling sheepishly as he set it on his bed, and asked him out on a date to A La Mode when he was released.

Evan had enthusiastically accepted, and couldn't help but anticipate the date.

Connor never made a big deal out of his hair being cut off. He did know Evan was self conscious of it, and made an effort to kiss the back of his head and reassure him that he didn't care about his lack of hair.

As much as this helped, Evan felt like he was being stared at in public, and he kept his head down, eyes glued to the floor. He did however notice Connor glaring at anyone who muttered a thing about it, or looked at him the wrong way.

One day, when he watching Chopped out of boredom, he received a text message from Connor, asking if he could come over. Evan told him he was more than fine with it, and waited for the latter to arrive.

What he wasn't expecting was Connor, with ear length hair.

"What, what h-happened? Did your dad, d-did he make you cut it?" Evan of course liked it, he thought it was cute, but it didn't stop his anxiety from going haywire.

"Nope," he popped the 'p', smiling, hiding something behind his back. "I did it willingly. Can you let me inside so I'll show you your surprise?"

Evan nodded, moving out of his way so Connor could step into the house. Afterwards, Connor said, "Now close your eyes, and take off your beanie."

Evan didn't know what that had to do with anything but complied, awkwardly standing there as he listened to Connor rummage through a paper bag, and felt something soft being placed onto his head.

Connor carefully put the beanie back on afterwards and gently took ahold of his shoulders. "Alrighty, now follow my lead."

Evan tried his best not to stumble around as Connor lead him to who knew where in his house. He felt Connor stop and stopped as well.

"Okay, you can open your eyes!" Connor told him, and he sounded oddly excited.

Evan slowly opened his eyes and gasped. There on his head, sat a brown wig, and his beanie was placed on top of it. It was styled a bit like Connor's, but it stopped near the end of his neck.

"Connor! Holy shit, h-how'd you do this?" Evan turned to him.

Connor was smiling and shifting from foot to foot. "Cynthia knows someone who makes wigs, so I went to her shop and cut my hair for your wig."

"You didn't have to do this..." he said softly.

"Evan, I'd cut my hair a million times if it'd make you happy," Connor took his hands and held them.

Evan swung them back and forth. "You're.. god. You're so amazing, but like, really corny, too."

Connor snorted. "Wow, I'm feeling the love, all right."

"Hey, thanks for, you know, doing this," Evan gently brushed a bang out of Connor's face.

"Well how else was I supposed to make you get a matching hair color?"

"Oh my god, shut up!"


End file.
